The next day is always worse. I knew that. Hell, kids know that. My headache had only began pounding when I weakly pushed my feet against the floor and jerked my hips foward . I was trying to get off the damn carpet at first but then everything started to vanish. " What happened last night?" I faintly remembered glimpses of important scenes but nothing too important.
Finally on my feet, my head became very heavy and painful. I closed my eyes and rubbed my aching lids. I looked down and saw the glistening glass particles staring back at me. They were everywhere. What a stupid move, that was. I tip toed against the side of the living room and reached for the broom with all my remaining might. After brooming the room and beating myself up over drinking last night, I sat myself down and began to sip on some water. "Back to reality Chum, Back to reality." I pinched my cheeks and slapped myself. I checked my watch almost instinctively,"
" that's what you get for being a workaholic".
I decided to take the day off seeing as I felt and looked like shit and I needed to recompose myself after Elizabeth had dismembered me. I am only a man after all. I looked in the mirror and started to shave with my eyes half open. I finished my morning routine by splashing cold water on my face and staring at the sink. My eyes became quickly distracted with the splashes of red slipping through the hole. "I'm bleeding? " I looked down at my arms and hands falling back. My arms were carved, full of scars and cuts and bruises of all kinds and shapes.
"How did this happen?" -- I don't remember anything.
My breath began to quicken and my mouth quivered. My pulse began to rise. My eyes turned blurry as I sat down clumsily on the tile floor. I pushed my mind to revisit the events of last night but nothing came to. I was a little frightened. Although, I felt alive, the blood rushed through my whole body and my spirits felt higher than ever before. I decided to keep this to myself as it may bring attention to the wrong people. The fact is, what it looked like was self inflicted pain or an accident while being intoxicated and I did not want to be associated with any of those.
They would say;
" Poor Ol' Phoenix, the lord don't have time for folks like these"
"Did you see his scars! What a freak."
Some things are better left alone. I looked outside my window suspiciously and quickly shut the blinds, hiding all the daylight. My room never looked so lonely.
"I need to go see Elizabeth."
I mumbled while pouring myself a drink. I realized I had never drank this much in my entire life and it was a true betrayal to my sober nature.
Elizabeth use to rock me to sleep when I had very Lucid nightmares. Which was almost every night. She use to bring back some cinnamon flavored candles from her store and light them up while I was dozing off. She believed that the scent would sweeten my thoughts. Fuck I wish that was true, you silly girl.
I lied to her all the time and told her I dreamnt of her beside me on a far away island . She always believed me because I am a good actor-- or just a great liar. I use to wake up to the familiar perfume of her hair underneath my chin. Sometimes I would just lay there, staring up at the decaying ceiling of our old apartment on twenty third street. The intoxicating smell of mold and morning dew would always brush against our nostrils throughout the day. Being with her was better then any dream I had ever had, I just wish it lasted forever.
In the afternoons, Elizabeth would drag me outside to antique libraries and medieval weapon events. For special occasions, we would dress in sophisticated outfits and she would beg me to put on a top hat. I agreed to it many times. Elizabeth was very convincing, with her deep green eyes and innocent gaze. I hated going to crowded events. I was never a big fan of standing out in a group but people were always drawn to my mysterious nature. Maybe it was my short hair or my stubby fingers, or maybe, I wondered, It was because I never talk, I speak with my eyes. Elizabeth was quite anti social herself, but not to the point that she ignored questions.
Silence. The clock is ticking with all it's might. Each pound feels heavier and increasingly louder in my ears. My heart shivers and I whipe the sweat off my forehead. My hair stands up nice and straight behind the nape of my neck and i let out a heavy sigh. Each breath feels like the last, but that's just me being a train wreck.
Elizabeth did not answer her calls. She unplugged her phone at this point. I knew this because when I dialed her I got her sophisticated voicemail. I didn't bother to leave a message, not once. Maybe I should get outside and make something out of today.
Walking through the neighborhood was always my outlet to angry spasms and my uncontrollable outbursts. This time of year was fairly warm but the colors were fading into fall. Everything seemed pretty dark and grim at this point anyway. I push my way through the stairs leading up to the town's pharmacy and elbow a few people in the process. Everyone is noticing my scars now. I see this, they see me. This is humiliating, I say to myself. I hug my coat closer to my arms and wrists while tugging it forward. Gripping the cuffs tightly with all my might. I start pacing now, up each step and through the auburn garden. My shoes carelessly marching into puddles of dirt and neatly piled mountains of rotten leaves. The sound of the wind whispering through my ears becomes a spontaneous comfort for me. A reminder of my existence.
Arriving at the door of the brick stoned building, I open the rusty door with all my strength causing it to violently shut. The man behind the counter looks at me. He looks at me, Oh he looks full of interest and glee. I dart my eyes towards the counters and start browsing for some alcohol or bandages or whatever to heal these cursed wounds. I bet everyone is looking at me by now. I eagerly grasp all of the alcohol on the shelf and juggle two boxes of bandages on my hands. The line is very long and the crowd loves my show. I am on the spotlight starting now for the rest of my life, lovely. I now realize that sarcasm is my native tongue and Elizabeth really sealed that in me. It's now a permanent resident of Phoenix town.
Finally out of the store, feel a hundred pounds lighter, as if the eyes had weighed heavily on my heart.
"I need to find out what happened to me that night.. " I tilt my head back and soak up in the last rays of the sun and the first glimpses of the stars.
Posts
